Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
