My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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