We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
