I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
