I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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