doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
