Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize