I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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