I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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