We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize