dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
