haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
