so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Please don't give away my fajitas
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