Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
