today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
