The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
