Well apparently he's into motor boating.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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