i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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