he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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