All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
