Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
