im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
