Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
