what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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