god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
