I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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