new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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