I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
