It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
