i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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