he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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