my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize