the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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