if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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