happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
