you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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