Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
