Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
