i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
