totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
