BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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