3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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