I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
