Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
