Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
