I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
