using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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