Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
