I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
