i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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