Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
