He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I could fuck to npr.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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