for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just want nice things and good sex
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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