Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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