The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Are we still banned from the library?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
did i just pee glitter
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
