Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
