i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
