Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
