Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
