it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
