I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
