I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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