so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
