I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
