Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
