Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
