It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
