I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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