We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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