My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
