I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
