I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize