So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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