you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
