I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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