The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
