I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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