it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
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